So you have stage fright? Or more specifically you feel like you have nothing worthy of saying, that no one wants to listen to you. That by standing in front of others and telling your story you are “taking up space”, important space that someone else more interesting could be using. You avoid public speaking, especially personal public speaking at all costs.
What If I told you that you not only can stand up in front of others but that it is your responsibility to do so?
I had a client in her 50’s working with me once. Paula. She had written a performance poem. It was sexy. I mean it was really very sexy. It undulated and moved. It spoke of her deep warmth and softness, her fire and passions, her sexy.
Unfortunately when she opened her mouth.. the story she told me was quite different. When she read these words out to me, she did not undulate and move, her hips were frozen, the words hung limp in the air. I could almost hear their disappointment as they petered out somewhere between her lips and the floor.
However this women, this beautiful woman, she had written these words, they had come from her, they were her.
So what was wrong?
I asked her what was holding her back, why this disconnection from her intention?
She took a deep breath and explained. As a white middleclass woman in her 50’s who was what would socially be considered to be “overweight” she felt that she could not, would not be able to be accepted on stage sharing her sexy poem. She said people would think it was disgusting, would be turned off by it. That she would be shamed and even worse others would be too.
Now imagine you are a woman in your late 40’s. You have been told the menopause is just around the corner, and have been given the picture that from here on in your worthiness as a sexual woman was swiftly in decline. Imagine you didn’t even REALISE that this is what you had been told, it had been sold to you since you were a child in subtle ways. In media. In your mothers story. In the sadness of other women you have met.
Now imagine as that woman, you were sat in the audience when Paula, in all her glory walked on stage. Here, the archetype of what you are to become. An elder, yet close enough in age that you can see yourself in her. She stands their vulnerable, clearly nervous, and takes a deep breath. You feel nervous for her. Slowly she opens her mouth and utters her story of erotic and sensual pleasure, as she speaks she allows her hands to gently caress her form, her eyes glaze over for small moments as she too is taken on the journey by her own words. She speaks of her deepest love, her sex song, her lonely nights and her coupled moments. Her voice seems to come from deep within her womb, her genitals, and her heart. As she comes to an end, her eyes for a split second meet yours and she see’s herself in you. You see yourself in her. What do you learn in this moment?
You learn that you create the story you will live, that every woman has worth and that you too do not need to feel shame about your size, age or even your reproductive ability. You stand up and applaud as she finishes and leaves the stage.
That night you go home. Perhaps you cry. Perhaps you take out a pen and write your own sex song. Perhaps you masturbate on your own gorgeousness. Years down the line when you too are in your mid fifties and feel a glimmer of shame about yourself, Paula’s face comes to mind, her undulations and her vulnerability, and you remember how much you are worth.
In that moment, when Paula got up on stage and gave herself to the audience, she did more than just tell her story. She gave every person in that room the opportunity to know that they too are just like Paula. Vulnerable, Open, full of passion and turmoil and totally… TOTALLY worthy of being heard.
So I say to you, if you are afraid, if you hold back from sharing your story with the fullest embodiment and depth of your soul due to self shame and fear, you must step up and speak up. It is more than your journey. It is your responsibility.
Who knows who may be in that audience.