Four and a half years ago I arrived on a small Island in South East Asia, with no money, one pair of trousers, one top, a guitar and a book full of poetry. I had just travelled alone overland and sea from the UK and was yes brave in my travels but also very much not confident in my self as an artist, putting myself down, hiding myself. The poems were too pushed forwards and the space between the poems was a shameful place of hiding and fear.
Over the next year and a half I stayed on this island and performed weekly at an open mic, from a room packed with audience in the high season to performing to three people in low season… each time I got up there I discovered more of myself, more of my vulnerability, more of my fears and more of my insane ways of hiding myself. I realised the more I tried not to look like a fool, the worse I felt when I got off stage. I realise my whole life with my music this had been my down fall. Here I was surrounded by people who fed my growth, affirmed my strong points and actually QUESTIONED me and called me out on my shadows and hiding. Slowly I watched myself allow myself to become more and more of the Fool I know myself to be. I would let the words which rose in me fly out of my mouth with little censorship and instead of a crowd of horrified and judgemental faces I saw laughter… laughter, joy, nodding, tears and empathy. I also spent my time on this island running workshops… in anything. If I got a whim I would workshop it, and yes, I often felt like a blagger. I mean who was I? A self made street hippy turned detox-retreat events coordinator. But still I faces my self judgement and self sabotage and every week created multiple classes to run and spaces to hold for the entertainment and education of others.
After I left this place, I moved to Australia, this is where my Mother Tongue – Women Speak journey began and I began to teach Speak Up. Suddenly I was not only performing professionally but inspired by the people and places I had been, teaching others how to notice all the things I had noticed in myself through my journey with the stage, my vulnerability and my self sabotage.
2 Days ago I jumped off a boat into the blue lapping waters of Sanctuary Thailand and once again walked up the steps to the ever familiar place.
Much has changed, and much is the same. Tonight.. Thursday night… is open mic night and once again, after three years, I will return to the stage here and share my soul with who ever is willing to witness. It is with humble gratitude I do this, and with unashamed joy that I do this.
I may even run a workshop or two. ….
Its good to be Home, in every sense of the word.
Blessings
Fleassy
For details on the next Speak Up course please go to www.fleassymalay.com/speak-up