I work in Public Speaking so it should have been a given to me that Self Sabotage was something I would come up against right? I mean, Public Speaking has been at the top of the Number 1 biggest fears in the world for decades.  I have spent hours, days, months even, discussing the theme of Passion and it’s arch enemy, Self-Sabotage. Passion is the drive and desire that allows our creativity to take full effect and BLOOM. So why…. WHY is it that these things, these desires, fall away from us so often, or more accurately why do WE walk away from THEM?

It’s a pattern I see around me so often, in myself and in friends…. an idea is sparked… a project idea for a song, a film, a career path, perhaps a decision to change direction and drop our office job and become a massage therapist…. Whatever it is it is always something which in that moment of realisation fills us with such joy and passion that we know… we KNOW it must be. Something which in that moment we feel will change the world, change us, be beautiful, inspiring, or just a really good experience for us.

Yet, before this dream is realised something happens to turn it all around. You stop in your tracks and you set it down, turn around or give up.

Possibly you made it to your first few lessons in that course, or even completed the course… but at the end of it “realised” that it’s probably not the path for you, you’re too this,. or not enough of that. Not professional enough, not experienced enough … or maybe you “just don’t want to anymore”.

Possibly you were lucky to have even made it that far. Sometimes we don’t even reach the enrollment, or the act of writing down the first line of the song, drawing the first line of that painting we felt so inspired to do. This is because before we even begin, our trusty Mind (who of course knows everything and only ever works for our highest good…right?) pops up to remind us that “no one is going to want to listen to the song any way” or “then what will I do? I’ll finish the course and give up” or possibly worse “yes but what if THIS isn’t the THING… you know the ultimate purpous of my life? …it’s not…. I know it’s not… It is probably best I dont waste my time on it and I just go back to what i was doing before and wait for the ULTIMATE thing to come along”.
Possibly another thing will come along, but chances are you will end up saying exactly the same thing about that one too.

Then again theres the “other” excuse. “They didn’t get back to me”, “So and so didn’t like it” etc etc. the act of completely dis-owning the choice to give up by putting it on the fault of someone else, because of course if that ONE publisher didn’t get back to you about your book that it is not going to get published. Or because ONE client failed to pay you, or expressed a level of dis-satisfaction when you were starting up your business then there is no point in doing it anymore.

My friend and I today compared these things to Elephants….. very tired, lethargic and stubborn Elephants who have decided to just plonk their ass down right in the middle of our path. The Elephant, of course, is our own fears of Self Worth, Failure , Success, etc etc.

So here I am, faced with an Elephant… what can I do?

1) Set up camp, and hope one day the elephant might decide to move and encourage me to continue on my path.

2) Turn down a different road and hope that no elephants are down there (…which of course they always are)

3) Turn around. Turn around, go home and forget all about that path. After all, an elephant is a sign from the universe right?

or

4) look at the elephant right in the face and say “I see you Mr Elephant.. and thank you so much for standing in my path however I have places to be” walk around that damn Pachyderm and keep walking.

Number 4 is not the easy one. It involves you choosing the path which will throw more elephants at you, each one will reflect another fear or blockage.. however this path is that path which says to your dreams

“Dreams… I hear you. Intuition… I trust you. Spirit… I follow you”

Its the path which tells your deepest inner self that it is worth believing in. Every time we chose 1,2 or 3  we ingrain a little bit deeper that really we are “not worth it”.

So my revelation for the day?

See those Elephants… love them for what they show us and thank them for standing in our path…. then walk round the fuckers and keep marching.

March for your Dreams.

They are worth it.

Fleassy x

ps. Let me know in the comments, what dream or desire are YOU going to keep marching towards?

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This blog is a re-write of an older piece of writing from 2013. It’s still so relevant I had to tweak it and re-post it.

www.fleassymalay.com/speak-up
Fleassy Malay runs a 6-week course in Melbourne called Speak Up. It looks at accessing creativity and exploring vulnerability, sabotage, and self judgement whilst learning to step into our power and speak our passions through the medium of Spoken Word Poetry and Performance.